Day 9 -Not Fully Creating

architecture photography, food photography
Japantown experiment

A figure that I’ve taken many shots of over my three trips to SF. This one is my best yet of this subject. I like how it’s in the center of the shot but it’s not completely straight. I like the lighting and the repetition that the structure holds as you continue to look up to the top. I am highly critical work of my work but I do find myself enjoying this shot. I can see that I am experimenting more with angles and light. I worked hard to achieve this shot and it shows me that I can push myself further.

So I’m not fully creating stuff. I don’t take photos everyday but I write everyday. I write story outlines, random ideas, and envision the life that I want in my head. I do feel a little lost but I’m coming to terms with where I want to be. It scares me, the idea of asking people if I can take their photos or even advertising myself scares me. I am terrible with most social situations and most people look at me with repulsion or anger.

I have stepped out of my comfort zone by taking photos like the ones I’ve shown of my trips. I have showcased some of my work out there on the internet. I haven’t been too successful and now I’m at a standstill. I know where I want to go but I don’t always know what I want to create. So I often just consume YouTube or food. I dive into a good K-drama that I don’t want to break away from when I really would want to make them. I write stories that I toss away or lock away afraid to show them for fear of rejection.

I wrote for an anime review site, in two months I wrote five articles: Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths, Top 5 Good Manga Gone Bad, A Sweet Wonderland: Alice & Zuroko Review, Top 10 Underrated Sports Manga, and Experience a Kind World: Comic Girls Review. Two of them failed to reach 100 shares. Both all of them reached more than 10 shares. I attempted to write for another Japanese culture based website but I failed to act quick enough because I postponed it. So now my connection with that website is gone.

I suffer from being too hard on myself and not having confidence as a creator. I suck at drawing but I have a knack for writing. I’ve shown poetry to people online that told me that my poems made them cry or smile. I truly loved that but I don’t think I fully believe them. Even the people who ripped on my artwork told me that my poems were good. I still didn’t believe it and just choose to continue to write in my own world.

Now here I am, 27 years (I’m always bringing up my age) and I’m working a job in food production at a retail company. I have a Facebook page with 101 followers that I barely do updates on and a few Instagram accounts that I neglect as well. I’ve started free blogs focused on Kpop entertainment news and movie reviews. So it’s not like I haven’t done anything but I really haven’t gotten too far on my path. I need to figure out how to instill more confidence in myself by simply putting my work out there and busting my ass off until I prove to myself that I am truly good at what I am doing and can be great. I have to take action now…

Enough ranting for now. Enjoy your time and fight well,

David

Day 8 – Exploring

architecture photography

Was walking towards the beach when I took this shot but it wasn’t until I was editing the shot did I think about flipping it upside down. It’s something I haven’t done before with color photography but I was like “what the hell”. My third trip to San Francisco was about exploring and being open. I accomplished that and I believe I took a step towards improving my photography as well. Chalk this shot up to me experimenting with my craft.

Tried to rest as much as I can today. Not only was it going to be 108 degrees today but it’s my only day off for 4 days. So I really haven’t properly rested since returning from my trip. I feel like I am still catching up. I often sit and wonder what I should do. The night before, I tend to think of something I will force myself to do. Today, it was walking to Walmart (a mile and a half away), riding my motorcycle to the library and to the post office before I could lay down. I find this helps with the emptiness I feel at times as I struggle to find something to do.

I actually favor my life on the trip, being able to go wherever I wanted and to do what I wanted. I took care of myself and walked everywhere. All I did while there was eat, shoot photos, took some videos, walked, and shopped. It was a fun experience that taught me a lot about myself. Like what I don’t like and do like about traveling, what really interests, yada yada. Basically, I learned where I stand and where I want to be. I am still a little lost but I am okay with that. I’m not rushing leaving the job that I currently have as for now it will be the foundation that allows me to pursue a career that I actually want.

There are no real paths in life because it’s made up. Your path is whatever you choose it to be. I could create a path to become a teacher or a programmer if I simply decided to. We are taught that paths are always clear. Here I am 27 years old about to turn 28 next month and I’m basically clueless. Or am I simply afraid of failing? Afraid of facing fears of communication? Submitting to my anxiety about certain social situations? The trip really gave me time to think and now I spent the last few days reflecting. I’m spending less time on my phone diving into YouTube and online manga. I’m truly allowing myself to think and force myself to sit down and simply think.

It’s one of the hardest things that I have ever done. After a while, I have the urge to do what I need to do or to do something that I want to do. I may get up for a while and pace but I force myself to sit back down and write out my thoughts and give me insight to where I am suppose to go from here.

My shot is suppose to represent me turning my world upside down and exploring life with no filters. Seeing what is truly inside of me as I decide to make my own path. It’s all just a decision and I have to make mine very soon.

Peace and sweet dreams,

David

Day 2 – Tests: Fear & Excitement

architecture photography, black and white photography
Looking up in Japantown

A shot that I would like to re-edit and shoot from another angle. I like to show these kind of photos but it makes me see my mistakes and when I can improve. Plus it helps me to be open to criticism.

Tomorrow, I will be heading to San Francisco. I am smiling as I write this as I can’t wait. It’s almost at the level of a little kid staying up on Christmas Eve too excited to sleep. Thinking about this small journey made it easier to get through work. I’ll be using these four days to rest and to test out rather or not am I am still passionate about pursuing film and photography.

I have given myself until December 1st of this year to test about my passions for photography and video. If I can’t make anything happen by December 1st of this year then I will join the military or apply to a job that I wouldn’t normally take. I have to create a sense of urgency in order to be able to actually accomplish something. I treat this blog as a test for me to continue to be in this world.

Passion is one thing but if I don’t have the work ethic and if I don’t get off my ass then what’s the point, right? I chose to improve this area of my life while also improving my health and fitness. I have goals now and I must give my all to achieve them. I chose photography as I really love the craft and I chose film because I love films. However, besides starting this blog I haven’t done anything in these two fields.

I’ve been listening to quite a few motivational videos which gave me the idea to give me the sense of urgency and to get off my ass. Motivation is alright but dedication and a good work ethic is what truly matters in the long run. If I fail, I will have to consider what place in my life do these passions take. Are they truly passions or hobbies? Only experience will tell me as I dive deep into these two genres of art.

Let’s shake things up a bit.

Peace,

David

Day 6 – Tired and Reach

Uncategorized

I’ve always liked to take photos of things that people generally don’t pay any special attention to. This was heightened after reading a Japanese photobook called “The Discovery of Ruins”. It is completely in Japanese but each page contains a single sentence. Now that my Japanese is better, I am able to translate it a bit. I would like to have included more of the top of this structure but it’s fine. I treat this shot like a learning experience to improve my skills and my eye for composition plus the other principles. This was taken in Japantown SF.

Was quite tired today, wasn’t able to get everything done. But the things that I did do, I gave my all to. Hopefully, I can put in more work tomorrow. I need to work smarter and do better. I am trying to reach out to take the things that I want and what I need. It’s a slow process and I am in the unknown part of life but I have to accept that and do what I can.

Sleep well,

David

Day 2 – Change

architecture photography, black and white photography

This was an experimental shot that I took shortly after buying new gear. I was on my way back from Chinatown when I needed to take a pit stop at a McDonalds. When I was finished doing business me and party went back up some stairs and I took this shot. You can’t really see but on the left you can see a long line of people. They are waiting in line for a boba shop. I like this shot, it would be good to use if I shot a black and white short film.

I am adjusting to my new lifestyle. I am working later in the day but at random times for the most part. Tomorrow, I work from 6am to 3pm. The job sucks but time flies by faster than my previous role at the company. My focus right now is to lose weight and to find my purpose. I am looking for another job but I know that I need to give my all to my health and purpose in order to find the career that I will truly like despite the shit that may come with it.

I’m trying to embrace my fears and slightly go beyond my edge. I am making the right steps, I have to plan out my day better and give 100% focus to whatever task that I am doing. I have been practicing but I have a long way to go.

I’m afraid but I’m learning to kiss that fear and continue moving forward with my life. I’ll do my best until I drop for the last time and even then I’ll die trying to get up than die laying still.

Gotta French kiss life,

David

Day 16 – Experiment and Growth

architecture photography, black and white photography

These people were taking a long time posing in front of this structure as I wanted to capture it by itself. However, I took this shot shortly after as I was going to get my shot of that structure no matter. I like how you see the makeshift photographer trying to zoom in on the phone. He stands out more than the couple under the structure. The structure itself stands out mostly de to all of its details. I kind of like the black marks on the edge of the photo but at the same time it takes a way from the shot.

I would love to go back and take another photo like this again.

Today, I did something out of the norm. I walked into the breakroom and saw this new guy basically shaking in the chair. I walked to the computers and did my business but when I was about to walk out of the room. I decided to turn and face him. I asked if he was new and he said yes. I extended my hand “David” and he replied with his name. I made sure to look into his eyes as I said my name. I don’t know what spur that on but it shows that I am willing to improve my social skills. I’ve been trying to talk louder and slower as I tend to talk like Twista imitating the Ying Yang twins on the whisper song.

I did add some more distance on my walk and made sure to make an effort to be social in my household. I still have a long way to go but I’m happy with the small improvements that I have seen.

It’s never too late to grow.

Peace,

David

Day 14 – Commitment

black and white photography

Looking up while walking to Japantown from my hotel. I noticed that my fear of tall buildings has died down a lot. I wanted to capture this shot as I like to practice doing shots like this and I can do anywhere there is a tall building.

Decided to stay at my current workplace as I have ttransfered to a new area and got a raise. I had an offer from another retail place but I turned it down because I know I will hate it. I’m not going to rush it, I will continue to work at my current workplace until I find a job that I think that I will like or I can become a full time freelancer.

Decide and stay committed to your decision,

David