Day 1 – Back Again

black and white photography

So I failed again, shocking I know ;). Anyway, I had an opportunity to write a post yesterday. But I was dead tired so I knew that I would just type something short. So I made the decision to sleep. I decided to bring up the scheduled release of this blog from 10ish to 9ish. I will re-start the 30 day challenge with this post.

I don’t mind failing it’s only a struggle when I prolong picking up the thing that I failed at as a day turns into a week and a week turns into three months. I did that before and I never want to do that again. So here I am, making sure to show up to my full potential. Even the lazy side of me is tired of not giving my all in life.

After a nap, I simply decided to follow the Marie Kondo method of cleaning and try to declutter my room. Can honestly say, I spent about an hour cleaning my room and deciding what to keep and what to throw away. I realized what I liked and disliked my room and made changes based on those two things. My room is much more organized, there a few more things that I would like to change but that’s in due time.

Besides that, I am still forcing myself to do something before I lay down to take a nap or fall asleep. If I have something to do and I can do it right then then I will force myself to do that activity before allowing myself rest. I find that this habit to be beneficial. I feel like I am wasting less time. It’s a slow and steady battle to win against the lazy side of myself. I lose a lot but I am starting to tally up more and more wins.

I haven’t reached out to see what projects online that I can attach my name to. Which is a major fail as I probably submitted to the fail of me slacking off and failing or being told that I am not good enough. However, I did create a mock resume so that’s a small step. I will need to get off my ass and put in some work on projects. I will look and try to find one project to give my all before branching out and multi-tasking projects. I don’t know where it will lead me but I know that I am excited for the journey.

Sleep well, dream big, and take action!

-David

Day 11 – Failure & Goals

black and white photography, Portrait photography, street photography

On my trip, me and my friend decided to walk from our hotel to the beach which was about an hour and forty-five minutes away. So this shot at the beach is a sign of victory of achieving that small goal. I took a few more shots at the beach that I will share later. I like this shot. There is a good amount of fog and the horizon isn’t in the center of the shot. I was simply focusing on trying to capture the birds flying away . A very natural shot.

Didn’t do much today which is why I consider today a failure, however, that’s do to me being critical of myself. I did review hiragana and katakana before work and was more social at work than normal. The failure comes down to the fact that after coming home from work I just took a nap until dinnertime then took another nap and it was 8pm. I have a 5am to 2pm shift tomorrow so I did my best to cram a decent amount of stuff in the last two hours so I can still make a little improvements.

My main focus was setting up a plan that I can follow. I did a rough draft of one but I will do research tomorrow and compile a better plan and the motivation and dedication I will need to fulfil the plan. On an another note, I did show up here and wrote a post so that’s a plus in my book as well. It’s been 11 days, I am surprised that I was able to write while on my trip with the shaky hotel wifi and the lagging data. I had to upload without photos then go back and add the photos because they can’t failing to upload.

It just shows me that its simply a matter of me putting in the work. I can continue to write for this blog as long as I want to as long as I put time into it and force myself to sit down even when I don’t want to or when I try to submit to my guilty pleasures. I know that now and will continue to try to improve my mental game and my focus on the things that I need to do and what I have to do in order to achieve the creative goals I have and the life that I want.

On a side note, I might be going back to SF in October to go watch BabyMetal in concert there. They will play in Sacramento but the tickets cost 200+ dollars for a basic seat as they will be performing with Slipknot. So I’m going for the SF one (hopefully) after talking with my co-worker who brought up that BabyMetal will be in SF.

I’ll end it here for now. Gotta take action and give my brain some rest to kick ass tomorrow.

Sleep well and kick ass,

David

Day 10 – Keep On Keepin’ On

street photography

For some reason, I often take photos of security cameras. I really liked the wall and the shadow of this camera so I snapped a few shots from different angles. My trip to SF was really about exploring anyway. I really like this shot as well, I like how I able exploring new possibilities with subjects that are not normally captured.

So in a bit of good times, I was able to write my first short story in a while. It’s simply entitled “Boy” and is only one page long. However, I am proud that I created this short story. I am happy that I sat down and got to work. It’s not the length of the story but the quality that matters to me. I truly liked the result but will still edit it before showing it to anyone. I feel better and more confident than ever but I still have a feeling that self-doubt will creep into my life faster than a thirsty man sliding into a Kardashians DM.

I’m looking into developing the proper keys in order to keep my self-confidence on point. I know I will fail at times because everyone hits a snag. But I will work my ass off trying to improve myself as a man and as a creator. So far, I have some good internal results but now comes the external results. I have to seek opportunities and not just let them come to me. I have to get out there and not let a single opportunity pass me by due to laziness or a lack of self-confidence.

A single step is all it takes to start a real journey and I’m taken that step many times to just take a few steps back to many reasons. I don’t want to live like that so no matter what I want take those steps back no matter how much I want to seek back into a safety net. I don’t want to die working in retail, I don’t want to die having never been to Japan, I don’t want to die without have been a husband and a father, I don’t want to die without creating something truly touching. I don’t want to live an unfilled life as I have done that ever since I became an adult and even when was a teenager sleeping the day away or playing videos all day and never truly studying.

I should have been to Japan already but I haven’t..yet.. I have made plans to go to Japan sometime next year. So I’m pinching pennies everywhere that I can while still pursuing self-improvement and a life that I truly want to live. So the moral of this rant is that I am taking action towards achieving my dreams. As a kid I wanted to go to Japan and I will be going to Japan when I am 28 years old. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you get there. The journey is key the destination is the light at the tunnel but there’s even more to explore once you do reach the light.

Will be seeking out writing opportunities and pursuing a job that grants me creative control while pursuing a freelance career and trying to improve myself. So I’m going to be a busy man, I just fully realize that I don’t want to be a scrub. Will be seeking out writing opportunities and pursuing a job that grants me creative control while pursuing a freelance career and trying to improve myself. So I’m going to be a busy man, I just fully realize that I don’t want to be a scrub. I want to live a full life. I was meant to write, I was meant to take photos, I was meant to love, I was meant to bridge different cultures, and I was meant to make an impact on someone’s life. Those are my newfound beliefs and I will write them down everyday to get it through my thick skull when times are tough.

Peace,

David

Day 9 -Not Fully Creating

architecture photography, food photography
Japantown experiment

A figure that I’ve taken many shots of over my three trips to SF. This one is my best yet of this subject. I like how it’s in the center of the shot but it’s not completely straight. I like the lighting and the repetition that the structure holds as you continue to look up to the top. I am highly critical work of my work but I do find myself enjoying this shot. I can see that I am experimenting more with angles and light. I worked hard to achieve this shot and it shows me that I can push myself further.

So I’m not fully creating stuff. I don’t take photos everyday but I write everyday. I write story outlines, random ideas, and envision the life that I want in my head. I do feel a little lost but I’m coming to terms with where I want to be. It scares me, the idea of asking people if I can take their photos or even advertising myself scares me. I am terrible with most social situations and most people look at me with repulsion or anger.

I have stepped out of my comfort zone by taking photos like the ones I’ve shown of my trips. I have showcased some of my work out there on the internet. I haven’t been too successful and now I’m at a standstill. I know where I want to go but I don’t always know what I want to create. So I often just consume YouTube or food. I dive into a good K-drama that I don’t want to break away from when I really would want to make them. I write stories that I toss away or lock away afraid to show them for fear of rejection.

I wrote for an anime review site, in two months I wrote five articles: Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths, Top 5 Good Manga Gone Bad, A Sweet Wonderland: Alice & Zuroko Review, Top 10 Underrated Sports Manga, and Experience a Kind World: Comic Girls Review. Two of them failed to reach 100 shares. Both all of them reached more than 10 shares. I attempted to write for another Japanese culture based website but I failed to act quick enough because I postponed it. So now my connection with that website is gone.

I suffer from being too hard on myself and not having confidence as a creator. I suck at drawing but I have a knack for writing. I’ve shown poetry to people online that told me that my poems made them cry or smile. I truly loved that but I don’t think I fully believe them. Even the people who ripped on my artwork told me that my poems were good. I still didn’t believe it and just choose to continue to write in my own world.

Now here I am, 27 years (I’m always bringing up my age) and I’m working a job in food production at a retail company. I have a Facebook page with 101 followers that I barely do updates on and a few Instagram accounts that I neglect as well. I’ve started free blogs focused on Kpop entertainment news and movie reviews. So it’s not like I haven’t done anything but I really haven’t gotten too far on my path. I need to figure out how to instill more confidence in myself by simply putting my work out there and busting my ass off until I prove to myself that I am truly good at what I am doing and can be great. I have to take action now…

Enough ranting for now. Enjoy your time and fight well,

David

Day 8 – Exploring

architecture photography

Was walking towards the beach when I took this shot but it wasn’t until I was editing the shot did I think about flipping it upside down. It’s something I haven’t done before with color photography but I was like “what the hell”. My third trip to San Francisco was about exploring and being open. I accomplished that and I believe I took a step towards improving my photography as well. Chalk this shot up to me experimenting with my craft.

Tried to rest as much as I can today. Not only was it going to be 108 degrees today but it’s my only day off for 4 days. So I really haven’t properly rested since returning from my trip. I feel like I am still catching up. I often sit and wonder what I should do. The night before, I tend to think of something I will force myself to do. Today, it was walking to Walmart (a mile and a half away), riding my motorcycle to the library and to the post office before I could lay down. I find this helps with the emptiness I feel at times as I struggle to find something to do.

I actually favor my life on the trip, being able to go wherever I wanted and to do what I wanted. I took care of myself and walked everywhere. All I did while there was eat, shoot photos, took some videos, walked, and shopped. It was a fun experience that taught me a lot about myself. Like what I don’t like and do like about traveling, what really interests, yada yada. Basically, I learned where I stand and where I want to be. I am still a little lost but I am okay with that. I’m not rushing leaving the job that I currently have as for now it will be the foundation that allows me to pursue a career that I actually want.

There are no real paths in life because it’s made up. Your path is whatever you choose it to be. I could create a path to become a teacher or a programmer if I simply decided to. We are taught that paths are always clear. Here I am 27 years old about to turn 28 next month and I’m basically clueless. Or am I simply afraid of failing? Afraid of facing fears of communication? Submitting to my anxiety about certain social situations? The trip really gave me time to think and now I spent the last few days reflecting. I’m spending less time on my phone diving into YouTube and online manga. I’m truly allowing myself to think and force myself to sit down and simply think.

It’s one of the hardest things that I have ever done. After a while, I have the urge to do what I need to do or to do something that I want to do. I may get up for a while and pace but I force myself to sit back down and write out my thoughts and give me insight to where I am suppose to go from here.

My shot is suppose to represent me turning my world upside down and exploring life with no filters. Seeing what is truly inside of me as I decide to make my own path. It’s all just a decision and I have to make mine very soon.

Peace and sweet dreams,

David

Day 7 – Paths

black and white photography, street photography

What path will you take? One of the first shots I took while entering the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco for the second time. I really love the atmosphere and I hope this simple shot can reflect a bit of it. It’s not the type of shot that I would normally show unless my reserves were low. However, at this moment of time this image was the best to showcase my mental state as I try to create my own path.

I wasn’t sad to leave San Francisco but I was sad to leave new experiences. I had a whole lot of fun there and would love to go back. However, sadness only hit me once I started to edit the photos I took of the trip. Not sobbing sad but a mere I didn’t get the meal that I wanted sad. I came to the realization that I need to travel and experience the world. So I’m planning trips to Phoenix AZ, Portland OR, Seattle WA, Canada, Salt Lake City UT, Japan, South Korea, and Thailand. I don’t have they money of course but I am beginning to flesh out how much money I will need for each trip. Right now, it’s a dream of mine. So that in itself, is an improvement.

While I was on the bus heading home from SF, I didn’t know what to do with myself once I entered my room. So I decided in my mind I would Marie Kondo my bookshelf and I did just that. I forced myself to start laundry, put everything I bought away, and did a few things before I allowed myself to lay down on my bed. Today, I did the same thing. After working, I forced myself to wash the bowl I bought plus all of my cups and download my photos then delete the bad things only to upload the approved ones to google drive. It doesn’t seem like much but it’s a start.

I also returned to work today, even though I was more tired than normal I am glad that I did. My co-worker, Dan, told me that he put in his two week notice but he decided he’ll just quit during lunch as he was tired of this place. As he embraced me in a hug with his giant biceps, I was sad but happy that he was escaping. I know he is achieving his dream. We talked for a minute and I made him a promise that I would pursues my dreams and escape this place as well. So I have to work even harder as I am doing my best to be a man of my word. He wished me luck as I did to him and I left the backroom only looking back once.

Me and Dan won’t close but we shared a few in depth discussions and were good co-workers. He was always willing to give me health advice and even seem bothered by my questions. I wish him luck.

I also decided to start a lifestyle blog and to leave my workplace before the end of this year. I will be looking hard for a new job that will give me enough time to focus on my crafts and/or actually involve my passions. Right now, all I can do is continue to improve myself. I don’t feel as lost anymore as I somehow know what I want to do. I hope that I can truly act upon it as two paths may merge into one without me realizing it. I am creating paths that’s is also why I chose to display the photo above. Dream big and aim high.

Peace and sleep well,

David

Day 6 – Return & Rest: A Short Entry

street photography

A shot that I took on my second trip to SF. On my third trip, me and my friend walked through this tunnel a few times. It was a somewhat peaceful experience was one aspect of my trip that I truly enjoyed.

I finally returned home around 3pm. I wasn’t hit with crippling sadness like last time. I truly enjoyed myself on the trip, I am proud that I pushed myself past my limits, I experienced a lot of things for the first time, and was truly open to new experiences. I got to meet a former Oakland Raiders player, saw classic American muscle cars in Chinatown, Alcatraz surrounded by fog, and so many other things. I am only now hit with a slight sadness as I sat down to write this. I’m so ready for the next trip, even if I have to go solo. You never know what may happen in life.

I did make a few mistakes but was able to fix them while in SF. I felt like I improved myself a bit. I feel a bit more responsible and independent. As soon as I got home, I started laundry, Marie Kondo’d my bookshelf then put everything that I bought on the trip away. I didn’t just lay down, I forced myself to complete the task before I took a nap. Even now, before falling asleep another time, I made sure that I could still write this post before sleeping. I have to be at work at 5am. After this trip, I realized how lucky I am after seeing all those homeless people in SF. I realized how I can’t be lazy anymore and will focus on developing a good work ethic as I pursue my dreams.

I’ll write more tomorrow, as I need to get some more rest before the start of my work week. Peace and sweet chasing,

David