This is the second time that I’ve seen this man this year. On my first trip to San Francisco with my friends and the second time with one of the same friends. He’s dedicated to his craft and I still remember his smile from the first time we met when he held up his instrument and said “You can take a picture with your camera”. I didn’t take his offer last time but on the second trip I did. Surely, I’m 100% sure he didn’t remember me but I remembered him.

Dedication -A little essay

It sure is hard to work on your passions, but boy is it harder to work a job you absolutely hate while half-assing your passions. I currently work a dead end job in retail that I hate. I am able to hype myself up for work but when I start to work at this job I loathe every moment of it. The only time I truly enjoy is when I am able to conversate with my three friends that work there. I work hard and simply wish for the time to go by. The loss of precious seconds of my life working at that store hurts me more than anything currently in my life.

I see a co-worker/friend who has worked at this company for six years and was the person who trained me when I was first employed a year ago. This co-worker has a lovely family and is a truly hard-worker but he’s struggling mentally. He has the same hobbies as me so at times I seer him as the person I’ll become if I stay at this company. My other friend is a department manager and has been at the company for four years. We recently became friends and she’s shared with me that she likes the money she is making but wants to make an impact on people as she feels like this is not the place to be.

I can continue to list out other things that I’ve heard from other people but I think you get the gist of it. I love the fact that I have money in the bank and I can be independent, however, I don’t love this lifestyle. I work an early shift so by the time I get home I am tried. I take a nap that may last 30 minutes or 3 hours. I binge watch anime, movies, or YouTube videos. I lose myself so frequently in these acts that I forget that I am truly alive. Even today on my off day, I walked a few miles outside then watched YouTube and had a few naps.

This laziness will be the death of me. I can’t lie and say I wasn’t this way before this job. AS I was a NEET for two years. Thus I haven’t truly experienced a whole lot in my life. I have passions but I don’t always pursue them everyday, however, when I decide to sit down and write I have to pull myself from the task or when I take photos I have to stop myself from drowning in the passion. So I do know what I love and what I don’t. The only problem is my lack of dedication. I’ve been a serial cheater, so absorbed into other peoples lives that I put my passions on the shelves and watch them collect dust then complain about how they get dusty so quick.

I have everything I need in my room. I have Japanese language learning books so I can finally master the language, I have a tripod and a Nikon D3300 so I can snap away, I have a gaming laptop I bought to edit photos and to write, I have 6 notebooks in order for me to write, I have internet access, food, and a roof over my head. I have to get it through my thick skull that If I hate something so much I have to do something about it and I have to simply decide. I have to decide what is most important to me and not worry about the how. Stop planning and just focus on doing the act that I declare my ikigai.

I can’t say that I won’t mess up and that I won’t quit. But I have to do this. In order for me to pursue happiness and to truly live the life that I want.