The worst thing about me is that I never truly given my all to something. I was afraid to fail or that was never good enough. So I looked for excuses to use for why I didn’t pursue something wholeheartedly. Read an article about the UFC Jon Jones who is considered by many to be the greatest MMA fighter of all time. He used drugs and alcohol as his prepared excuse if he ever lost any of his fights.
Even a man on top of his career field felt the need to come up with excuses. I really don’t want to live a half assed life full of regrets to match the repugnant excuses. It’s not too late for me to switch things around. I am doing just that.
2021 is my year. I’ve already got rid of some bad vices but I still have a lot of work to do. I’m chasing the greatest version of myself. In this year, I won’t plan it out anymore. I will simply carve myself into the being I have always desired to be. I’m reading, learning, watching, and listening to the world around me. Learning myself and truly following my principles.
No more excuses! I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a car to take me places, and a bed to rest upon. I have all that I need to succeed. I just have to embrace the fear and make it my b$tch.
I love photography and expressing myself. Both require me to explore the world. This year I will pursue photography and becoming the best version of myself wholeheartedly. I will not stop even when I reach my goals. I’ll simply sit down and write out bigger goals.
So I failed again, shocking I know ;). Anyway, I had an opportunity to write a post yesterday. But I was dead tired so I knew that I would just type something short. So I made the decision to sleep. I decided to bring up the scheduled release of this blog from 10ish to 9ish. I will re-start the 30 day challenge with this post.
I don’t mind failing it’s only a struggle when I prolong picking up the thing that I failed at as a day turns into a week and a week turns into three months. I did that before and I never want to do that again. So here I am, making sure to show up to my full potential. Even the lazy side of me is tired of not giving my all in life.
After a nap, I simply decided to follow the Marie Kondo method of cleaning and try to declutter my room. Can honestly say, I spent about an hour cleaning my room and deciding what to keep and what to throw away. I realized what I liked and disliked my room and made changes based on those two things. My room is much more organized, there a few more things that I would like to change but that’s in due time.
Besides that, I am still forcing myself to do something before I lay down to take a nap or fall asleep. If I have something to do and I can do it right then then I will force myself to do that activity before allowing myself rest. I find that this habit to be beneficial. I feel like I am wasting less time. It’s a slow and steady battle to win against the lazy side of myself. I lose a lot but I am starting to tally up more and more wins.
I haven’t reached out to see what projects online that I can attach my name to. Which is a major fail as I probably submitted to the fail of me slacking off and failing or being told that I am not good enough. However, I did create a mock resume so that’s a small step. I will need to get off my ass and put in some work on projects. I will look and try to find one project to give my all before branching out and multi-tasking projects. I don’t know where it will lead me but I know that I am excited for the journey.
Looking up while walking to Japantown from my hotel. I noticed that my fear of tall buildings has died down a lot. I wanted to capture this shot as I like to practice doing shots like this and I can do anywhere there is a tall building.
Decided to stay at my current workplace as I have ttransfered to a new area and got a raise. I had an offer from another retail place but I turned it down because I know I will hate it. I’m not going to rush it, I will continue to work at my current workplace until I find a job that I think that I will like or I can become a full time freelancer.
Where am I going? Where have I truly been? I don’t know nor do I fully expect to. I want to fully know, but the harder I try the less confident I become. I am a writer, photographer, mentor, and artist. It’s out there in the universe, I’m trying but I could try even harder.
I haven’t brushed the lips of success yet. I do get discouraged but I keep going. I understand that if I stop then I might as well be a empty shell working a dead end job and never leaving to explore the world.
It’s hurt but that’s life. Traveling down the only road that I’ve ever known..
Walked four miles, played tennis, and ate some really good food today. Was able to treat a friend to a meal and got some nice frozen Greek yogurt. It was a nice change of pace from simply resting. However, today I will be having a rest day so my body can recover from work and tennis.
Got some good shots as well. Will be editing later today. Did some food and street photography. I normally don’t do food photography but decided to snap a few shots. Every shot is a learning process. I’m doing my best to learn as efficiency as I possibly can. Besides that, working hard at improving myself and my life.
As I walking to my college I peered down at something shining under the blazing sun. It was a pink iPhone badly bent and the first thing that came to my mind was “someone upgraded”. In this field, I always see discarded materials like bras, phones, food, mattresses, etc. It would be a beautiful place if this field was cleaned up.
I think a lot of people are lazy and unkind. I was walking into a Walmart and saw a woman throw some trash on the ground while she was inches away from a trash can. As someone who works in retail, I see a lot of disgusting behaviors. People will drink soda then leave it behind something or chew seeds and spit them on the ground. They may just be kind people outside of this, but these kind of behaviors are a clear indicator of a personality flaw.
This is the only planet we can live on for now and we trash it. I do my part to recycle and pick up litter. It amazes me at how many don’t do this.
Kindness and Work
Do not be nice as there is always a hidden motive. Kindness comes from within and doesnt stray like being nice. I have to smile at work and help people. I am required to do it, but at some point it became genuine.
Besides that, I was able to do more today after work than normal, however, I’m still struggling with adapting to my sleep schedule. I have to be in bed at 8 and asleep by 9:30 to get up at 3am. I only slept 2 hours which made work that much harder. It’s eight now and I’m finishing up what I need to do. Hopefully, I can knock out soon so I can be a better me tomorrow.
This photo can represent someone’s desperation after their dream shatters or someone’s resolve to get rid of their vices. I love photos that may have conflicting meanings depending on who views it. I won’t state my opinion further and allow you to decide what you believe.
I’m working hard to accomplish my dreams when I actually get down and do some work. I struggle to get to the keyboard but when I’m there I write away. I’m ridding myself of distractions and focusing on my passions.
Was able to write one thousand words in less than an hour in one sitting. Im writing about something that I love and I require myself to write that much on a daily basis. I fail everyday but I’m pushing myself to try. I have the dreams but I need the hard work. I’m developing it and will continue to develop it until it’s no longer a thought.
I don’t want to be 50 years old working at Walmart for terrible pay. I want to accomplish my dreams so I must work hard. I realize this but I do get lazy. However, as each day goes by I’m less lazy. Tomorrow will be the start of a new work ethic. I have something to prove to myself and I know I can do it. I just have to do it.
Trying to admit my faults to become the adult that I need to be. To admit them is to grow and that’s what I need right now. I was exploring my neighborhood and found this pacifier on the ground. I tried to make the shot interesting as I took multiple shots from different angles. I like the little spiral of the strap leading to the pacifier.
I’m in the process of developing a plan so that I can make more progress in my life and so I know what to do almost every moment of the day. Been thinking deeply about my faults and ways to better my bad habits. It’s a slow process but I’m in this for the long ride. I know what I want to do but now I have to wait to make the moves necessary for me to rise to the levels that I know I was meant to be on.
My first mini-goal is to upgrade to a DSLR. I should be able to afford one in the upcoming weeks. Second, I will continue to write for a anime/manga based website before applying for a paid position. Third, will quit my current job once I find one better suited for me. That’s all I got for now but will be fine tuning it tomorrow. Not everything will be solved but I know where I need to be.
Caught this little sign while I was on a walk. I don’t know where it is from nor what it is for. I am guessing that it comes from the hardware store across the street from this tree. Anyone, it was something out of place so I caught it before it disappeared.
Today, I started working from 4 am until 1pm. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, but this job is not for me. I won’t quit until I have another job to take its place. I’ve been working there for four days and I already want to say goodbye to this job. I have met some wonderful people, but I won’t allow that to cloud my judgement when the time comes. After I finish this post, I’m going to be updating my resume and apply to some more jobs in a career field that fits me better.
With this job, I will have to sacrifice some more things and to work even harder to improve my passions. I hope to be able to get an official job in a creative field this year. Going back to the basics to me is that I need to focus on improving my passions, focusing on my health, get money, and do the things that I need to do like get a license and be fully independent financially.
It means that I must take the first step in each category as I go back to learn the basics so I can master them.
Be great and live the life that you always dreamed about,