Day 9 -Not Fully Creating

Japantown experiment

A figure that I’ve taken many shots of over my three trips to SF. This one is my best yet of this subject. I like how it’s in the center of the shot but it’s not completely straight. I like the lighting and the repetition that the structure holds as you continue to look up to the top. I am highly critical work of my work but I do find myself enjoying this shot. I can see that I am experimenting more with angles and light. I worked hard to achieve this shot and it shows me that I can push myself further.

So I’m not fully creating stuff. I don’t take photos everyday but I write everyday. I write story outlines, random ideas, and envision the life that I want in my head. I do feel a little lost but I’m coming to terms with where I want to be. It scares me, the idea of asking people if I can take their photos or even advertising myself scares me. I am terrible with most social situations and most people look at me with repulsion or anger.

I have stepped out of my comfort zone by taking photos like the ones I’ve shown of my trips. I have showcased some of my work out there on the internet. I haven’t been too successful and now I’m at a standstill. I know where I want to go but I don’t always know what I want to create. So I often just consume YouTube or food. I dive into a good K-drama that I don’t want to break away from when I really would want to make them. I write stories that I toss away or lock away afraid to show them for fear of rejection.

I wrote for an anime review site, in two months I wrote five articles: Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths, Top 5 Good Manga Gone Bad, A Sweet Wonderland: Alice & Zuroko Review, Top 10 Underrated Sports Manga, and Experience a Kind World: Comic Girls Review. Two of them failed to reach 100 shares. Both all of them reached more than 10 shares. I attempted to write for another Japanese culture based website but I failed to act quick enough because I postponed it. So now my connection with that website is gone.

I suffer from being too hard on myself and not having confidence as a creator. I suck at drawing but I have a knack for writing. I’ve shown poetry to people online that told me that my poems made them cry or smile. I truly loved that but I don’t think I fully believe them. Even the people who ripped on my artwork told me that my poems were good. I still didn’t believe it and just choose to continue to write in my own world.

Now here I am, 27 years (I’m always bringing up my age) and I’m working a job in food production at a retail company. I have a Facebook page with 101 followers that I barely do updates on and a few Instagram accounts that I neglect as well. I’ve started free blogs focused on Kpop entertainment news and movie reviews. So it’s not like I haven’t done anything but I really haven’t gotten too far on my path. I need to figure out how to instill more confidence in myself by simply putting my work out there and busting my ass off until I prove to myself that I am truly good at what I am doing and can be great. I have to take action now…

Enough ranting for now. Enjoy your time and fight well,

David

Published by davidleeRobb

Storyteller exploring the world one step at a time.

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